


Foolproof

by leontina (Leontina)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Advent Challenge, Anal Sex, Christmas, Dysfunctional Family, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Flirting, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Pining, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-09 05:05:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 14,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12880767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leontina/pseuds/leontina
Summary: All of Harry's friends have gone away for the winter holidays, so when Draco Malfoy asks Harry if he wants to pretend to date him in order to piss off some bigots at a Malfoy family gathering, how can Harry say no?





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> So this is being written for the [25 Days of Draco and Harry Challenge](https://slythindor100.livejournal.com/)on Livejournal, where basically every day a prompt is released and you have to write something for it that same day. So I'm aiming to do about 500 words a day for the next 25 days of this story :) I'll include the photo prompt at the start of every chapter
> 
> I don't normally do fluff or humour, but given the festive season I thought I'd give it a go ;D

Harry didn’t expect the owl. 

Most of his friends had gone away for the winter holidays; Ron and Hermione were visiting the Grangers in Australia, Neville and Hannah were on a couples-cruise in the Fjords, and Luna and Ginny were somewhere in the Amazon Rainforest. Even Molly and Arthur had gone away to see Charlie in Romania.

Though he’d been invited on nearly all of his friend’s holidays, Harry had declined. It would be nice for them to all get away as couples, and celebrate their first real Christmas since the end of the war—it was technically the second, but most people had still been grieving too much to enjoy the first. Harry didn’t want to be a third wheel.

He didn’t really know anybody else, so he couldn’t imagine who would be writing to him. None of the general public knew where he lived, for obvious reasons, so it had to be somebody who knew him. Kingsley, perhaps, or Andromeda. 

The owl was a beautiful one, a Barn owl with stunning mottled colouring, and wise, dark eyes embedded in a snow-white face. Harry hadn’t yet been able to face getting a new owl, the pain of losing Hedwig still too much for him, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t appreciate a good-looking owl when he saw one.

“Hello, gorgeous,” Harry said as he unfastened the letter from its leg, cringing as he realised he was beginning to sound like Hagrid, or that eccentric Newt Scamander who Harry had met a few months ago. 

He gave the owl a treat before he turned his attention to the letter, which had Harry’s name written on top of the envelope in an elegant scrawl. He tore the envelope open and pulled out the parchment inside, eyes scanning the words. It read:

_‘Potter,_

_I know I’m probably the last person you want or expected to hear from, but I could do with your help and would appreciate it if you didn’t tear my letter up. You still have a thing for saving people, yes?_

_To get straight to the point, Potter, my family are having a get-together with several of our extended family and friends. While family gatherings are horrific enough as it is, I am actually making a point to improve myself and move away from the twisted Pureblood ideals which ended up causing so much harm, both to myself and others._

_Basically, I want to say a big ‘fuck you’ to my family and their friends. I know that saying ‘fuck you’ to bigots is a hobby you also enjoy, so I wondered if you might care to join me in this. As well as being blood purists, many of the guests are homophobes who only pretend to accept my own homosexuality so long as I keep it quiet and play straight when I'm around them._

_So my plan, Potter, if you’re down for it, is for you and I to pretend to be a couple at this family gathering. I had considered using Theo or Blaise, but they’re both Purebloods from respected families, whereas you’re a half-blood who not only despites blood purity ideals, but destroyed the man who was trying to take over the Wizarding World with those wicked beliefs. Your presence would greatly disturb my family and their friends, and Pureblood culture dictates that they’d have to suffer in silence in order to not cause a scene._

_If you’re down for this, Potter, send an owl back post-haste. If you’re not, don’t bother telling me. But you know you want to do this. Trust me; we could have a lot of fun._

_Yours,_

_D. Malfoy_

Well, Harry thought deviously as he read the letter over once more; it looked like he had plans for the holidays after all.


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes some bad flirting :)

Winter had set in deeply now, and Harry envied for the first time that his friends were all abroad in hot locations, where they could wear shorts and sandals rather than layering up with shirts and jumpers and coats.

The coffee shop was, thankfully, pleasantly warm inside. It was cozy, with a roaring fire flickering golden light across the worn red chairs and the mahogany tables. Christmas lights sparkled in the window, and only the crystal white snowflakes frozen on the outside of the glass showed how truly freezing it was out of the warmth of the coffee shop. 

Harry wasn’t sure if he should be ordering himself a coffee, or getting one for him _and_ Malfoy, when Malfoy finally turned up with a red nose, and a silver scarf wrapped around his neck. 

“Potter,” Malfoy greeted, inclining his head at him.

Harry hadn’t seen Malfoy in a while, and whatever he’d been doing over the last few months was certainly working for him. He was still lean but no longer scrawny—unlike Harry, who’d tried weight-lifting once and given it up right away—and his blond hair had grown out slightly, falling loosely around the sharp lines of his face. The silver in the scarf brought out the grey of Malfoy’s eyes, and it was only at that point that Harry realised he was actually checking Malfoy out. 

He cleared his throat, and quickly turned his attention to the drinks menu.

“Hey, Malfoy,” Harry murmured, eyes scanning the list of teas and coffees. “Anything you fancy?”

“Quite,” Malfoy said.

When Malfoy didn’t expand, Harry glanced back up, only to find Malfoy looking at him with an intense gaze and a smirk. 

“Oh, you mean drinks-wise?” Malfoy continued, and Harry felt a blush creep unwillingly onto his face. “It’s my treat, Potter; I’m the reason we’re here. Do you know what you want, or shall I choose for you?”

Harry let Malfoy decide for him in the end, and a few minutes later Malfoy returned to their table with two steaming mugs of what Malfoy called a Flat White. It wasn’t bad, Harry supposed, but to him coffee was coffee. 

“So, we’re here to discuss our business terms,” Malfoy stated, after their awkwardly polite conversation about the weather began to draw to a close.

Harry snorted. “Business terms? That sounds very professional for two people who are pretending to be a couple in order to piss off some bigots.”

Malfoy flashed him a dazzling smile, all perfect, white, straight teeth. “I am _nothing_ , if not professional, Potter. I’m going to be the best damned fake boyfriend you’ve ever had.”

“Oh,” Harry exclaimed, clutching his hand to his chest. “How _romantic_! I am positively _charmed_.”

Malfoy made a ‘v’ with his fingers. 

“Pretend to be that smitten with me in front of my Great-Aunt Isadora,” Malfoy noted. “She hates public displays of affection, even more so when it’s a same sex or mixed-blood couple.”

Harry nodded. “And when you say public displays of affection…?”

“Well that’s what we’re here to discuss,” Malfoy answered. “I am fine with light touching and kissing, but I’d prefer no groping unless we’re in the privacy of my own bedroom—I do have some standards, after all.”

“Maybe very low ones,” Harry agreed with a grin. “I guess, er, I’m okay with all that stuff too. I’d rather we have a signal or something if you need to kiss me, though, just so I know it’s coming.”

“Afraid I’ll dazzle you into shock?” Malfoy teased. “How about if we need to kiss, we grab the other’s wrist and tap it twice?”

“That sounds okay,” Harry said, heart beginning to thud at the thought of kissing Malfoy and those rosy red lips of his. “How likely is it one of the guests will try and hex me?”

Malfoy considered the question. “About ninety per cent if they catch you alone, but even then it will only be mild. Purebloods are all about image, you see, so they’re not going to cause a scene. You may want to avoid them entirely when the event is over, however; they won’t hunt you down, but if they see you vulnerable in the street then who knows what they’ll try. You’re the _blessed saviour_ , though, so I’m sure you can take on some old ladies and gentlemen.”

“Ugh, please never call me the ‘blessed saviour’ again,” Harry grumbled. “And how did we get together?”

“Gay bar,” Malfoy replied quickly, as though he’d had this answer planned long before Harry asked. “You were drunk, dancing around a stripper pole, when you fell and landed in my arms; we’ve been inseparable ever since.”

“Any chance of changing that story?” Harry asked hopefully, though he knew already what the answer would be.

“Nope. It’s my scheme, so we do things my way; you're here to do as I say, ” Malfoy said smugly. “We can set up another business contract, too, if you’re into that kind of thing.”

“What?” Harry blinked, tilting his head in confusion.

“No matter, Potter,” Malfoy said, waving a dismissive hand. “You’re clearly too innocent. So I think we’re all settled here? As soon as this party starts, you and I are going to be as openly queer and smitten as possible, and if you want to bring up anti-Voldemort sentiments any time then please feel free. If you get anyone swooning in horror, I’ll be most pleased.”

Harry grinned. “I can try.”


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, this chapter turned out just a little bit cracky, but I swear there's going to be a Drarry plot in here too. I just had to torture Lucius a little bit before we got started ;D

Harry had received one further note from Malfoy, instructing him when and where to meet so they could go to Malfoy Manor together, and which also told him to dress as ‘gay and Muggle as possible’.

The Muggle part Harry was down with, though he wasn’t sure how to dress ‘gay’—especially considering he was bisexual. Harry supposed that Malfoy meant something flamboyant, so that his lack of straightness would be obvious to anybody who looked at him. 

In the end, Harry chose the tightest pair of jeans he owned, a t-shirt with a graphic of two men kissing in front of a rainbow—a coming-out present from Ginny who’d got herself a similar one with two women—and he magicked his converse trainers into a rainbow pattern. If that outfit didn’t scream queer, Harry didn’t know what would. 

Malfoy hadn’t dressed in Muggle clothes, but his robes were bright turquoise and matched the high-heeled, violet boots he wore underneath.

“I feel like a fucking clown,” Malfoy grumbled when Harry couldn’t help but snigger at Malfoy’s outfit. “I can’t believe Dumbledore used to dress like this _on purpose_ every single day. Ready to go face the wolves, Potter?”

“As I’ll ever be,” Harry said, giving Malfoy a mock salute. 

Malfoy glanced down and hesitated for a moment before grabbing Harry’s hand, Apparating them both to Malfoy Manor for the first day of the four-day celebration. As son of the host, Draco—it would be easier to refer to him as Draco with so many Malfoys around—would be the earliest to arrive, thank goodness. It gave Harry chance to settle in to his role as Draco’s fake boyfriend before the games really started.

Lucius and Narcissa stared in overt horror upon opening the door to discover Harry standing the other side.

“Ah, so when you said Potter was your boyfriend you weren’t simply _trying_ to give me a heart attack,,” Lucius greeted, looking Harry up and down disdainfully. “You’re actually aiming to kill me.”

“Lucius!” Harry exclaimed in mock delight, fighting off all his disgust as he pulled the elder Malfoy into a brief hug. “How wonderful to see you’re still not in prison. All those bribes you’re paying and you _still_ have enough left over to decorate the Manor so wonderfully.”

Lucius’s eye twitched, and Narcissa pursed her lips as she laid a comforting hand on Lucius’s arm.

“Please, come inside both of you,” Narcissa murmured, the polite tone of her voice clearly strained. 

Harry did have to admit that Lucius and Narcissa had done a good job of decorating their home. Beautiful, crystal lights were strung up on the walls and across the high ceilings, and glittering sparks of magic shaped to look like fairies and snowflakes and robins danced around the room. A large Christmas tree stood in the centre of the entrance hall, almost more than twice the height of Harry, and was lit up with multi-coloured bulbs and bright baubles. 

“Harry, you’re part of the family now,” Draco said softly, sliding a hand around Harry’s waist to grasp his hip. Harry tried very hard not to lean into the touch but found himself struggling—maybe he was a little touch-starved. “That means you absolutely have to place a personalised bauble on the tree! It’s important we upkeep our family traditions, isn’t that right, Mother; Father?”

“Of course, darling,” Narcissa said with a false smile. 

“Part of… _personalised_ …” Lucius stammered. 

“I’m so grateful for your acceptance of me,” Harry declared dramatically, wiping a pretend tear away from his eye. “I know we have our differences, but I’m sure in time you’ll be able to see my point of view; maybe I’ll end up calling you Mum and Dad eventually. I know you posh folk use Mummy and Daddy sometimes, but I already call someone Daddy.”

He gave a pointed look towards Draco, who had to turn his laughter into a coughing fit. Narcissa paled and Lucius...Lucius was suddenly looking at Harry with a hungry interest which disturbed him more than the Dark Mark on Lucius’s arm. 

“So a bauble?” Harry continued, looking determinedly away from Lucius. “How do I personalise it?”

“Just write a message on it, for the Malfoy family,” Draco answered. “All of the ones on the tree have been written by the Malfoys or their intended partners.”

He Summoned a bauble over, bright red and gold, and tapped it with its wand so that a silver thread of magic hovered above it, preparing to write.

“Hmm,” Harry said thoughtfully. “How about, _to the new era of mixing pure blood with Muggle-tainted blood. Love, the boy who defeated the Dark Lord_.”

“Perfect for our new society,” Narcissa ground out. “How about you hang it on the tree, and then Draco, your father and I would like to have a word with you.”

Harry dragged a stool over to stand on so he could reach near the top of the tree, purposely leaning as far into the green branches as he could until he tumbled forwards. His hand scrambled out, grabbing onto the tree as he fell to bring it with him. Draco better appreciate him throwing himself into a tree, Harry thought.

The tree crashed to the floor with a clatter, the baubles and lights clinking as they rolled across the pristine marble floor.

“Oh, I am _so_ sorry,” Harry apologised quickly, looking up at Narcissa and Lucius from under a branch. “Let me tidy this up.”

“We have house-elves for manual duties,” Lucius said sharply. Draco was stood behind him, looking very much like he was trying not to wet himself from holding in his laughter. “I’ll send them to tidy this up, but please don’t release any of them this time.”

While Draco was dragged away by his parents to no doubt be questioned on his sanity for ‘dating’ Harry, Harry counted ten house-elves helping to fix the tree. If he could free eight of them by the end of the four days, Harry would be quite happy.


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Draco and Harry do some 'bonding' ;D

“Potter!” Draco exclaimed delightedly as he entered the room that they would both be sleeping in. “I could kiss you! Jumping into the giant Christmas tree was inspired!”

Harry beamed. “I don’t mean to brag, but I’m pretty damn talented at being socially awkwardly. I’m glad you appreciated my effort.”

“You should have heard Mother and Father earlier; they’re so pissed off. They were saying ‘if you _have_ to date a man, why _Potter_?’ and ‘why don’t you just marry the Greengrass girl and take your male lovers on the side.’”

“That sounds kind of brutal,” Harry frowned.

Draco waved a dismissive hand, “Purebloods,” he said, as if that explained everything. For a family like the Malfoys, it probably did.

“So it’s the private dinner tonight, you said?” Harry asked deviously. “Any ideas on how we can ruin that?”

Draco gave Harry a sly smirk. “I have one thing in mind, and it’s going to set us up for the entire night. My grandparents—both real and in portrait form—are going to be there, and they’re very particular about self-image. Therefore, I’ve selected us the _perfect_ outfits for tonight.”

Draco opened up the wardrobe doors, revealing two suits hanging inside of it. One of them was black, patterned with green Christmas trees and red zig-zags, while the other suit was bright red and decorated with snowmen and holly leaves. The suits were positively ghastly, and Harry grinned at the sheer horror of them. 

“Not only do they have matching ties,” Draco stated, “but they have matching underwear, too. You’ll be in the red suit, of course, because would do they say? Red and green should never be seen, unless there is beauty in-between?”

Harry quirked a brow. If he wasn’t mistaken, it _sounded_ like Draco was insinuating that Harry had beauty...but Harry must have misheard. Surely. 

“Besides, red positively washes me out,” Draco continued, tilting his chin up. “And don’t be shy about getting changed in front of me, Potter; we are _lovers_ , after all.”

Harry blushed, but, with resilient determination, began to slowly shimmy his t-shirt up his body, stripping the material off his body teasingly while keeping his gaze trained on Draco’s.

Draco’s cheeks turned pink, and he cleared his throat as he averted his gaze, eyes flickering back and forth between the floor and Harry’s lean chest.

“Was I not far off the truth when I told my parents you did stripper work on the side?” Draco drawled, forcing his gaze back to Harry’s face. He smirked, but it didn’t quite have the same nasty sneer to it as usual.

“Why don’t you stick around and see how good I am at it?” Harry teased, hand flying to his belt buckle. 

Was he actually _flirting_ with Draco? Jumping into a Christmas tree and having it collapse on top of him must have really messed with his head. Although if the bulge in Draco’s trousers was anything to go by, Harry wasn’t the only one enjoying it…

He quickly snapped his gaze away from Draco’s crotch as he realised where he was staring, and Draco similarly looked back up determinedly at Harry’s face.

“Uh, I think my mother’s calling me,” Draco said.

“She is, definitely. Yes. For sure,” Harry agreed, though he could hear nothing. His cheeks were burning, but his gaze stayed locked with Draco’s. “Er, I’ll get this hideous suit on now, I guess.”

“You do that, Potter.” Draco nodded. He headed to the door briskly, but glanced back and gave Harry a much more confident smirk. “Oh, and don’t forget the matching underwear; I’ll be checking.”


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My home internet is broken so I'm a day late with this, and I wrote it on my phone so a short chapter I'm afraid (same for the next chapter) but I'll make up for it chapter seven lol

Six faces--two of them in portrait form--stared in disgust and horror as Draco and Harry strolled arm-in-arm into the dining hall, clad in their eccentric Christmas suits.

"Grandparents," Draco announced, bowing his head slightly. "May I introduce my boyfriend, whom I am _very_ in love with: Harry."

Harry's traitorous heart jumped at the declaration of love, even though he knew it was fake.

"Harry," Draco continued, gesturing at a very well-groomed couple with sleek black hair and sharp grey eyes, the husband in portrait form. "This is Druella and Cygnus Black, my maternal grandparents,"

"Yes, I knew your nephew," Harry said with exaggerated excitement. "Sirius?! You know, the one who got disowned, and got sent to Azkaban where he got to spend some quality time with that lovely daughter of yours."

Druella's eyes narrowed, and Cygnus clenched his fists, pursing his lips.

"And my father's parents," Draco added, trying to hold back the glee in his voice. "Abraxas and Flavia."

The Malfoys were as fair as the Blacks were dark, and like Cygnus, Abraxas only existed in a portrait.

"Yeah, you went to school with Tom Riddle," Harry said to Abraxas, false-delight growing. "He was handsome in his school days; pity he turned out to be a genocidal maniac. Can't say I'm sorry he's dead because of me, though."

"You're rather outspoken for one of _your_ kind," Druella commented icily. "I find it rather distasteful...no offence meant, of course, dear." 

"And what is _my_ kind?" Harry retorted smoothly. "Half-blood or bisexual? 

Abraxas snorted inside his frame. "Bisexual! Can't face the fact you're gay, eh, lad?" 

"How can you be bisexual if you're dating Draco?!" Narcissa cried incredously. "Surely he doesn't let you sleep with women too?!"

"Er, that's just...wow," Harry said, shaking his head at the massive ignorance. But his anger dimmed as he remembered just why Draco had asked him here in the first place. "Look at it this way; it's like at Christmas you're either naughty or nice. "I'm naughty _and_ nice, but not at the same time."

"And we're definitely naughty together," Draco added with a sly grin, before adding innocently, "wine anyone?"


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, sorry, but I'm on my phone again. Tomorrow will be back to normal :D

“We’ve decorated for the party tomorrow,” Narcissa said as she led the small group to yet another staircase which led down into a large ball room. 

The banister was decorated with bright red lights and green tinsel, and at the end, just to the side, was another Christmas tree which was only slightly smaller than the one Harry had thrown himself into.

He glanced up with a confused frown when Lucius laid his hand on Harry's shoulder.

“Please try not to get too close to this tree, Potter,” he said, fingers lingering uncomfortably too long. “There's much better things I’d rather see you under.”

Harry stared as Lucius brushed past him without another word. He shook his head in bemusement after a moment; too much time with the Malfoys must have messed with his mind if he thought Lucius was flirting with him. 

Draco took Lucius’s spot, curling his arm around Harry's waist. He leaned down to whisper in Harry's ear, murmuring, “my grandfathers are watching.”

Harry cast a sneaky look back at where Cygnus and Abraxas were now sharing a portrait, floating not far behind them.

With a sly smirk, Harry turned his body towards Draco and linked his hands at the back of Draco's neck.

They were so close that Harry could feel Draco's hot breath in his cheek, tickling the sensitive skin.

“Can we kiss?” Harry asked softly.

Draco's eyes widened but he nodded slowly, closing the gap between them.

For all Draco had joked about dazzling Harry before, he really was a good kisser. His lips were soft and warm, and left Harry feeling breathless in more ways than one.

One of the two old men made a noise of disgust, and Harry grinned into the kiss, and let out an embarrassingly high yelp when Draco slapped his arse.

“For the show,” Draco murmured lowly with a smirk, before he glanced back and pretended to be horrified that he had such close company.

“So sorry, Grandfathers,” Draco said to the scowling men. “I just can't keep my hands off this one.”

“I had an experimental phase, too, I suppose,” Abraxas muttered in resignation. “I once briefly befriended a half-blood.”

“Briefly?!” Harry cried. “I’m so proud of you, Braxy. May I call you Braxy?”

“No, I’d rather you-”

“Great, thanks, Braxy,” Harry interrupted before Abraxas could complete his refusal. “God, this is fun. Aren't we having fun?”

“Perhaps by your limited definition,” Cygnus murmured darkly. 

“I’ll teach you some Muggle fun, don't you worry,” Harry said seriously. “How about I teach us all how to play Twister?”


	7. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun with the grandparents this chapter ;D 
> 
> Feel free to let me know any other characters you'd like to see included in this (who would believably be friends with the Malfoys, of course :P)

“No! No! No!” Lucius cried. “Mother, stop this at once! You’re going to break a hip!”

“Just because I’m old doesn’t mean I’m fragile,” Flavia snapped, her body currently twisted round on the Twister mat which Harry had produced. “Right hand red, you said, Draco?”

Draco nodded, his eyes still wide and disbelieving as he watched both his grandmothers competing in the Muggle game. Harry could scarcely believe the group had followed his idea, but it turned out that the Malfoys and the Blacks were a rather competitive bunch—all it had taken for them to try it was Harry saying, “well, if you think you _can’t_ play it…” 

“There’s another game that Muggles always play at Christmas time,” Harry suggested. “A lot less physically exerting. It’s called _Monopoly_ —it’s a board game.”

“That sounds fun, doesn’t it, Mother?” Lucius said, voice strained with urgency. “If Potter’s going to make us play these nonsense things, we should try more than one, don’t you think?”

“Monopoly is great; always brings people closer together,” Harry said. “It’s all about getting money, you see.”

The talk of money soon had Twister forgotten, and there were several disappointed faces when they realised that the money in Monopoly—Harry quickly popped over to Hermione’s parents house to get it—was fake. 

“Potter,” Draco hissed lowly, tugging on the sleeve at Harry’s elbow. “I thought we were trying to cause chaos; you’re somehow actually bringing them together to celebrate Muggle games of all things.”

“Just wait,” Harry said wisely. “Monopoly never fails.”

It took half an hour for Cygnus to sulk in the corner of his frame and refuse to play any longer, and a half hour after that for Narcissa to flip the board over angrily, knocking all the dice and little house pieces to the floor.

“Mayfair should have been mine!” Narcissa growled angrily at Lucius. “So stuff your hotel rent! I have half a mind to make you sleep in a spare room tonight.”

“Narcissa…” Lucius cried in alarm, hurrying after his wife as she stormed out of the room. 

“Wow,” Draco said. “That got intense quite fast.”

“It’s Monopoly,” Harry stated. “It’s not a true Muggle Christmas until a fight breaks out over it. You know, I reckon you were going to come second, Braxy. And Cygnus; no shame in losing—I’d thought you’d be used to picking the losing side by now anyway.”

Cygnus’s dark eyes glittered dangerously at him through the portrait. 

“Well,” Druella said loudly. “I think we should head to bed before we’d forced to endure anymore of these Muggle… _traditions_.” 

“You looked like you were enjoying Twister, Grandmother,” Draco teased. “I didn’t realise your hips could bend that way.”

“Those hips bore three daughters,” Harry pointed out. “Sorry, my mistake; two daughters and a psychotic she-demon.”

“Bellatrix-” Druella began icily, but several pairs of wary eyes landed on her.

“Not now, Druella,” Flavia murmured, laying a hand on Druella’s arm in comfort. “The boy is a half-blood and young; he doesn’t yet know how to hold his tongue.”

“If Draco’s insisting on bedding him, he should at least teach the boy some manners,” Cygnus agreed, snorting in a way which reminded Harry uncomfortably of Uncle Vernon. “He would be the wife of the two, after all.”

“Not at all,” Harry argued, but Draco stepped in.

“Of course I will be punishing him for his outspokenness,” Draco said, giving Harry a dramatic wink. “Pass me those Christmas lights from behind you, will you Grandmother? I always like to tie Harry up before we move on to the spanking.”

“Oh Sweet Morgana!” Flavia cried, clutching her hand to her chest. “Druella, I think it’s time we four retire to our rooms.”

The two of them hurried out of the room and up the staircase without even saying goodnight, the portrait floating behind them equally as fast. 

“So, are you the kind to be tied, or do the tying?” Draco asked, giving Harry a sly smirk.

Harry didn’t answer, simply rolling his eyes and following the path the others took out of the room, taking great care to sway his hips. It was only when he reached the top of the staircase that he looked back down and gave Draco a teasing grin on his own.

“Find something that won’t break so easily, and I’ll be tied,” Harry smirked.


	8. Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a Drarry chapter, but the next two or three will definitely have more family tormenting :D

“It’s a little early for mulled wine, don’t you think? Harry asked with a raised brow. “Or are all you fancy purebloods so haughty all the time because you’re actually massive winos?”

“What’s a why-no?” Draco enquired curiously, tilting his head. He set the two glasses of mulled wine down on the table, a stick of cinnamon poking out of the gently steaming liquid. “It’s Christmas Eve today, so we can drink as often as we like, whenever the mood strikes us. And it’s _mulled_ wine, Potter; it’s not like I’ve given you a whole bottle of gin.”

“I’m more of a whisky man myself,” Harry said, taking a sip of the mulled wine and shuddering only slightly. “Although I may ask for some elaborate fruity cocktails while I’m here, just to sell it. Sex on the Beach all round, I’ll offer.”

He grinned, and Draco grinned back.

“I have to say, Potter, you really are out-doing yourself. I never expected you to be quite so devious; perhaps you ought to have been in Slytherin, after all.” Draco stated, taking a seat beside Harry on the small sofa. They sat cozily side-by-side, sipping mulled wine, and for a moment it seemed like a simple holiday season with just the two of them. 

“Not only am I exceeding at being devious, but I’m enjoying myself, and that’s the worst part,” Harry said, smiling slyly at Draco before admitting, “and the Hat nearly put me in Slytherin, but I thought you and your friends were prats so I begged it not to.”

“I was the biggest prat,” Draco agreed, taking Harry by surprise. “Don’t look so alarmed, Potter; I’m mature enough now to admit that I was a terrible child.”

“Are you mature enough to admit that you’re also a terrible adult?” Harry teased, and Draco shoved his shoulder playfully in response.

“If I admit to that, you have to, as well,” Draco reasoned. “After all, we are both tormenting a group of bigots.”

“I’d say that’s just doing our duty as open-minded citizens,” Harry grinned. “So what’s the plan today? Get your grandparents so drunk they embarrass themselves?”

“Grandfather Malfoy will do that anyway eventually, but usually we just turn his portrait round so we can’t see or hear him,” Draco smirked. “Today we have some of our closest family friends coming—the Parkinsons, the Notts, and the Greengrasses. Basically, Theo’s father Thaddeus despises my father, because despite both being Death Eaters my father only had minor fines-”

“And major bribes,” Harry added.

“But Thaddeus has to wear an ankle monitor which tracks his magic, and even anything slightly Dark could get him thrown in Azkaban—and that’s despite his own bribery,” Draco said. “So if you want to pretend that my father is the best, most redeemed man you know, and how much you admire him for fighting back after Voldemort, and really dig it in to Thaddeus that my father is doing so much better than him…”

“On it,” Harry said, giving Draco a mock salute.

“And of course, the Greengrasses,” Draco continued. “My father wanted me to marry their youngest daughter, Astoria; I don’t know if you remember her from school, but she was a couple of years below us—one of the eldest in her year, so she’s already eighteen and her parents hoped me and her would be married next August, had I not-”

“Been incredibly gay?” Harry finished with a grin. “So you want us to up the queerness around them?”

“You know how I think, Potter, I’m impressed,” Draco said with a smirk. “Astoria, Daphne, Theo, and Pansy—and Blaise when he arrives tomorrow—know what we’re doing, and they’re all willing to play along with us so don’t be afraid to use them; they know to follow our lead.”

“Sounds like we have a plan,” Harry smiled, absently handing Draco yesterday’s shirt which he took without thinking. “Hey, throw this into that corner will you?”

Draco obeyed, eyes furrowing in confusion. 

The shirt hit the elf Harry had hiding under an Invisibility Cloak there, the Cloak falling away as the house-elf grasped the shirt gleefully.

“Master has freed Lopsy!” the elf cried. “Lopsy is free to join the happy elves at Hogwarts, like Mr Harry was telling us. Lopsy has no master!”

“One down,” Harry said, laughing at Draco’s expression—a mix of bewilderment and amusement. “Nine to go.”


	9. Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Greengrasses are the first to arrive :D

“This is...a lot of food,” Harry commented, looking at the vast spread of turkey, roast potatoes, broccoli, pigs in blankets, mashed potatoes, gravy…”Isn’t this basically Christmas dinner a day early?”

Draco snorted. “Please! This is nothing compared to what tomorrow’s dinner is going to be. If there’s one thing Malfoys know how to do, it’s throw a proper feast.”

“I’m just glad,” Harry said loudly as Lucius and Narcissa entered the dining hall. “That the dinner came together so well, considering Lopsy has been freed.”

“I asked for one thing. _One_ thing,” Lucius muttered, wagging a finger at Harry before using it to rub the bulging vein in his temple.

“Let it go, darling,” Narcissa said soothingly. “We still have plenty of house-elves left.”

“Currently,” Harry teased, giving the pair a dazzling grin. “Still, marvellous spread, although I do have a few _dietary_ restrictions I’d be pleased if you could accommodate.”

“As the hosts, we are happy to do so,” Narcissa said, voice strained with politeness, and the smile she gave Harry was full of ice.

“Well I’m vegan,” Harry lied. “So I don’t eat meat, fish, eggs, or dairy. I don’t care for mushrooms, olives, peppers, cauliflower, aubergine...but I love aubergine, if you know what I mean...I don’t like nuts of any kind, so that’s a no to coconut, almond, or hazelnut milk, and-”

“If you could write a list and hand it to our elves in the kitchen,” Narcissa interrupted. “No wonder you’re so skinny. If you were Draco’s girlfriend, I’d be worried about a lack of child-bearing hips, but I suppose I’ve had to get used to the idea that I won’t be getting grandchildren.”

“Actually, we were thinking about adopting,” Harry said, beaming, laying a hand on Draco’s arm. “We were going to get a Muggle-born who lost their parents because of Voldemort. I’m sure we can make up a story to hide your involvement in that orphan-creating process though.”

“Draco? Harry?” came a delighted voice from the hallway as some of the guests arrived. “How are my favourite couple?”

It was a petite, curvy girl with dark hair pulled back into a plait, who Harry could only assume was Astoria as Daphne Greengrass stood not far behind them. She hurried over to them and pulled them into a tight hug, almost sending them crashing to the floor on top of her with the awkward height difference. 

“Astoria, lovely to see you!” Draco declared, fixing her parents—at least Harry assumed they were—with a devious smirk. “I’m glad you’re not broken up about our lack of engagement.”

“Of course not!” Astoria beamed. “I’ve actually been chatting with this lovely boy from Hufflepuff; his parents are Muggles and he was telling me all sorts of delightful stories about them.”

“Hardly one to consider for marriage though?” Astoria’s father spoke up. “You hardly know this _boy_ , after all. And you don’t want him influencing you to think a certain… _way_ , like what’s happened with...others.”

He cast a dark look at Harry.

“Well, that’s our homosexual agenda for you,” Harry stated with an innocent smile. “Converting people to our side in an attempt to break up marriages and the family unit. God, the things I’ll do for a nice, fat co-”

“Tiberius! Olivia!” Narcissa interrupted, throwing her hands in the air. “The food is under a Heating charm until all of the guests arrived, so shall we adults adjourn to the sitting room for a drink?”

“Make it a strong one,” Tiberius muttered darkly, throwing one last glare at Harry before he and his wife left the room along with Narcissa and Lucius. 

“I was worried about you when Draco told me what was going on, Potter,” Daphne murmured, speaking for the first time. Her eyes glittered with mirth, and she gave him an appreciative grin. “But I think this is going to be the best Christmas season I’ve had so far.”


	10. Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some small homophobic comments in this chapter (but Harry and Draco swiftly deal with them, don't worry :D) Some characters in this story are going to end up worse off than others, that's all I'll say for now ;)

Draco had him and Harry go upstairs to change into brightly coloured, rainbow-patterned suits, and by the time they returned downstairs the rest of the guests had arrived. 

Pansy and Theo smirked at Draco, Pansy giving him a subtle wink, but the older guests didn’t notice as they were far too busy staring at Harry with horrified eyes. They quickly tried to disguise it as general curiosity, but Harry couldn’t miss the way Mrs Parkinson seemed to have a permanent scowl etched on her face, or the way Mr Nott had narrowed his eyes so much he must have been struggling to see properly.

“Hi everyone!” Harry announced brightly. “How wonderful to meet you all. What a beautiful anklet you’re wearing, Mr Nott; I love the way it flashes red every so often.”

Nott’s eyes narrowed further, and Harry could have sworn he heard a muffled snort of laughter coming from Lucius’s direction. 

“Gift of the Ministry,” Nott said sharply. “Shame, isn’t it, Pierce,” he added to Mr Parkinson, “that there are those of us previously in high-standing in society, who now are welcoming people into their home who were once… _unwanted_.”

Nott’s glare shifted to Lucius momentarily, face contorting with jealousy for a moment before he masked it.

“Well, the only way up from here is accepting Muggles and those with Muggle blood,” Harry said loudly. “It’s a new world, and Lucius and Narcissa are firmly latching onto new opportunities; it’s quite admirable that they’ve been able to turn over a new leaf.”

“And who’d have thought that not disowning his gay son would have led to such advances in the new world,” Draco added wisely, hooking an arm around Harry’s shoulder and tugging him close. “If I may say so myself, the Malfoys really are the pioneers of this new wave of pureblood society.”

“I love how modest you are,” Harry said tenderly, turning to place a kiss on Draco’s cheek. 

Tiberius made a gagging noise, and his wife hushed him soothingly. 

“Shall we go and eat?” Narcissa suggested hastily. “The house-elves has prepared a wonderful spread.”

Draco made no move to unhook his arm from around Harry’s shoulder, and Harry found himself relaxing into the touch as they strolled into the dining room together. 

“I can’t get over how cute you two look together,” Astoria beamed, loud enough for her parents to hear. “I’m delighted you’re so happy, Draco; imagine what a disaster _we_ would have made in even a sham marriage.”

“A horrific disaster,” Draco agreed. “I can’t imagine which idiots ever thought that might be a good idea.”

“Draco, mind your manners,” Abraxas snapped from his portrait. “I see certain bad influences-” his gaze looked towards Harry sharply- “are rubbing off on you already.”

“That’s not all he’s rubbing off,” Draco muttered ‘under his breath’, though the room was so quiet that his words rang round it. 

“Draco-” Lucius began to scold, before Harry cut in.

“Lucius, I have to tell you that you raised a wonderful son. All the hard work and effort you put into parenting really paid off, despite your Death Eater flaws, and he is easily the most successful and most likable boy from his Slytherin year group.”

Theo looked rather amused at Harry’s comments, but Thaddeus looked like the vein in his forehead was about to burst. 

“No offence, Theo,” Harry added hastily. “You managed the best you could.”

Lucius clapped his hands together in delight. “Shall we eat? Harry, some of the elves have prepared a vegan meal for you in accordance with your request.”

“Oh, I’m not vegan anymore,” Harry smiled, reaching for the plate of turkey. “That was just a phase. Also, I feel dreadful about accidentally, completely not-on-purpose freeing Lopsy, so I’ve asked my own house-elf if he’d be willing to chip in to help today. Kreacher!”

Kreacher popped into view, eyes falling immediately on Cygnus’s portrait. Kreacher promptly burst into noisy tears, flinging himself at the base of the frame.

“Mistress’s brother!” Kreacher sobbed. “Such an honour! Such an honour!”

“He gets like this,” Harry said simply. “Leave him be. Turkey, Lucius?”


	11. Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harry is really into Muggle pop culture, didn't you know? ;P

“Stay close to me,” Draco murmured, linking his arm with Harry’s and stepping in close to him. “If Nott’s going to try and kill you, it’s going to be now.”

“That’s reassuring,” Harry deadpanned. “I thought you’d told me I’d be safe from murder while I was with you.”

He winced as a flake of snow hit him in the eye; why Lucius and Narcissa had insisted on a wintery walk in the countryside, Harry didn’t know. Then again, after lunch he had challenged Draco to an ‘impromptu’ fashion show which resulted in another two house-elves being ‘accidentally’ presented with clothes, so it was no wonder the Malfoy seniors wanted to get out of the house/

“Nott can’t do magic, but the Ministry can’t track his physical actions,” Draco said wisely, sparing a glance at the man in question who was currently holding a strained conversation with Lucius, the both of them standing five feet apart. “He could easily push you into that river and pretend you fell.”

“What’s to stop _you_ doing that to me?” Harry teased, though he held Draco’s arm tighter regardless, sparing Nott his own nervous glance. 

“Because if _I_ pushed you into the river, no doubt you’d pull me in with me,” Draco retorted. “And I know of much better ways the two of us can get wet together.”

“Yeah?” Harry grinned. “How about you name one and we put it to the test?”

“Well-” Draco began, a devious smirk crossing his face.

“Harry!” Astoria cried, cutting their flirting off—Merlin, they had been flirting, hadn’t they?—as she hurried over to him. “Harry, what does this do?”

She pointed at a red telephone box which was on the river pathway, the glass windows frosted with ice from the snow storm. 

A wicked thought crossed Harry’s mind—he had ended up teaching the group some other Muggle traditions before now…

“That’s a telephone box,” Harry explained. “Muggles use it to communicate with each other. There’s actually one magical man who uses one of these to travel through space and time; it’s usually blue, but I suppose he has to disguise it every now and then to stop others stealing it.”

“A magical transporter, you say?” Nott asked hungrily. “Who owns it? I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

“He’s a brilliantly clever man; he’s a doctor. Doctor...who, is he? Who...Doctor who...Doctor _Who_!” 

“Who?” Narcissa asked blankly.

“Yes, him!” Harry smiled brightly.

“But who, though?” Mrs Parkinson enquired, bewildered.

“I told you—Doctor Who!” Harry exclaimed, faking exasperation. “You don’t all need to look so disbelieving; Dumbledore told me a lot of secret things before he passed away. Hell, even Voldemort tries to get the Daleks on his side but they wouldn’t come; didn’t you know that? Voldemort can’t have trusted you very much.”

“Careful of Nott and the river,” Draco hissed, leaning in to whisper in Harry’s ear. “But nice job acting so serious, you devious son of a bitch.”

“Yes, Draco, that’s right!” Harry said loudly. “Surely you lot must know about Doctor Frank N Furter, at the very least? Hell, he gave Voldemort great fashion advice but he hid all of Frank’s outfits under his robes.”

“When did you see under the Dark Lord’s robes?” Pansy asked, glee evident in her voice.

“Don’t ask,” Harry muttered, covering his eyes with his hand. “Far too traumatic to think about right now. But anyway, shall we move on? I’m sure that isn’t the Doctor’s box, and this pathway is far too slippery. Wouldn’t it be a shame if I just...fell in the river. Are you alright, Thaddeus? You look like you have some bad indigestion.”

Lucius turned his snort of laughter into a cough, and Harry felt satisfied knowing that if Nott decided to murder him, at least he’d kill Lucius too.


	12. Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost at the half-way point of the 25 days already :O And Draco and Harry are almost half-way through their plan :D

“Harry, you must tell me,” Pansy asked eagerly, “where the richest, most stylish Muggles shop.”

“Muggle fashion is very chic right now,” Daphne agreed. “But that’s not to say we want anything less than luxury.”

“Robes are traditional-” Druella began sharply, but Harry cut her off mid-sentence.

“Harrods is the place to be, of course!” Harry beamed. “One of the most luxurious department stores in the world. And at Christmas they decorate it ever so beautifully. We’ll all have to go for a shopping trip before the New Year so you can see the lights.”

“That’s what your kind’s good at, isn’t it?” Mr Parkinson asked stiffly. “Shopping and _fashion_.”

Harry didn’t even blink. “Yes, all queer men are known for their impeccable style, while you can regonise a queer woman through her use of plaid. You know, all those stereotypes are absolutely true; one hundred percent, no use denying the bullshit, true.”

Mr Parkinson frowned, furrowing his brows in confusion. 

“So you must have turned gay after Hogwarts?” Theo mused. “Because you were always dressed in oversized rags whenever I saw you.”

“Ah, but they were hand-me-downs which belonged to my very straight cousin,” Harry said wisely. “Lucius! Narcissa! You’ll absolutely have to meet my aunt and uncle sometime; welcome them into the family.”

“The...Muggles?” Narcissa stammered, contempt littering the last word. “It would be a-” she swallowed heavily- “pleasure.”

“Not really,” Harry shrugged. “They’re assholes and I hate them, but I think they hate wizards more than you hate Muggles, so that explosion could be quite fun to watch.” 

“But how can you be so pro-Muggle when your own family despise you for your magic?” Thaddeus cried, bewildered. “Surely that just proves the Dark Lord was-”

“Obsessed with his own immortality which ironically led to an early demise?” Harry finished. “Voldemort stopped giving a shit about Muggles and used it as an excuse to get you all to bow down at his feet and do his bidding. And for the record, I don’t hate Muggles because I know they’re not all the same—I know that’s probably a confusing concept for you, after all, you had your head up Voldemort’s arse for so long that the light must be blinding you now he’s gone.”

“The Dark Lord-” Cygnus began to argue, but Harry was quicker.

“Is dead,” he said simply. “The Light won, and now we get to have all this marvellous Muggle culture coming into our world. This lot are all on-board,” he added, gesturing to the group of youths who all nodded eagerly. “And thank goodness they are! When I fell off that stripper pole and into Draco’s arms, I was so glad he’d stopped being a massive prick, and instead only _had_ a massive prick.” 

“Sweet Morgana!” Mrs Greengrass and Mrs Parkinson cried, fanning their faces. Narcissa cringed, and Lucius looked over at Harry and Draco with an odd look of pride. 

“To celebrate this new welcoming of Muggle culture,” Lucius purred. “How about you demonstrate the dance you were performing the night you fell in Draco’s arms, Harry? I’m sure we’re all wondering just _how_ you dance around the stipper pole.”

Harry’s face promptly flushed.

“Father, Harry’s already promised me a private dance tonight, and I don’t wish for him to exert his energy too much before then,” Draco said with a pointed look at Harry. 

Harry thought Draco was joking, until they went back to their room after dinner and Harry’s saw a metal pole in the middle of the room.

“Well, Potter,” Draco said with a dazzling smile. “Get to it when you’re ready.”


	13. Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does Draco have any shame? I think not ;D

“Oh, Lucius, it’s beautiful,” Narcissa cried as she unwrapped a hand-crafted emerald necklace.

“I saw it at that Christmas market in Berlin, and knew I had to get it for you,” Lucius murmured, giving his wife an affectionate smile. He leaned in to place a kiss on her cheek.

For a moment, it was easy to pretend that Harry was sat with his actual boyfriend and his family, unwrapping presents together on Christmas morning. Then reality set in that Draco was only Harry’s fake boyfriend, and Lucius, Narcissa, and the grandparents were all Voldemort-supporting bigots.

The Draco only being his fake boyfriend was somehow the most distressing part. 

“Draco, darling, you and Harry haven’t opened your presents from each other yet,” Narcissa said. “I do hope you haven’t had a falling out over gifts.”

“Not at all,” Draco said quickly. “I just thought Harry and I would be better off opening those particular presents alone.”

Harry quirked a brow at that. Draco had informed him the night before that he had procured presents for the both of them, even the one to Draco supposedly from Harry. He refused to tell Harry what they were, but knowing Draco and his rather wicked sense of humour, Harry could only imagine.

“Nonsense,” Abraxas tutted from his portrait. “Malfoy family tradition dictates we all open our gifts together, and if your… _partner_ -” Abraxas shuddered- “won’t join in-”

“It’s not that, we’ll open them here,” Draco cut in with a ‘resigned’ sigh. “Here you are, Harry; I had to look all over to find this, but I know it was just what you wanted for when I have to spend nights away from you.”

Harry groaned inwardly, sensing where his present was going. His suspicions were deemed correct when he opened the box to discover a dildo. 

It was _quite_ the dildo at that; easily twelve inches long and four inches thick. Harry licked his lips at the sight subconsciously; he was a self-confessed size queen.

“I know you wanted one just a little bit bigger than me, so this took quite the effort to find,” Draco said casually, as though his grandmothers hadn’t buried their flushed faces in presents of their own. 

“So you had to go quite a lot bigger?” Harry teased. “Don’t worry, I love it.”

“Please,” Lucius scoffed. “There’s no need to be modest on my son’s behalf; all Malfoy men are incredibly well-endowed.”

“Hear, hear,” muttered Abraxas. 

“And for me?” Draco purred, lifting up his own, far smaller box.

“I hope you like it; it’s going to be quite the surprise,” Harry smiled. A surprise for him rather than Draco, at any rate.

“Oh it’s...a vibrating cock ring! I’ve always wanted to try one!” Draco beamed.

Narcissa choked on her wine. 

“There, there, Narcissa,” Lucius murmured soothingly, keeping his gaze fixed on Harry. “I know toys like these aren’t your kind of thing, but Draco must get his fondness of them from me.”

Harry flushed, looking down uncomfortably at his lap, which was a mistake because he still had the monster dildo placed across it. 

He cast a surreptitious glance at Draco’s lap, idly wondering if Draco was as big as he claimed to be. Last night, after Harry had got into the swing of things on the stipper’s pole, the bulge in Draco’s trousers had certainly looked large, at least until Draco’s hid it with a pillow and pretended nothing out of the ordinary was happening. 

Perhaps Harry was just going to have harder so he could prove his theory—no pun intended.


	14. Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard to write for some reason >.<

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=2i70egm)

The Christmas breakfast was yet another beautiful spread of food. 

Plates piled high with steaming mountains of bacon and sausages, fried eggs, _boiled_ eggs, ham, cheese, French toast, regular toast, and in the centre sat a tall display of fruit; strawberries, grapes, kiwi and melon, all shaped together to form a Christmas tree.

More and more guests were arriving for the day, including Blaise Zabini and his mother, who was every bit as beautiful as the rumours said, and members of other respected pureblood families, such as the Shafiqs, the Selwyns, the Bulstrodes, the Burkes, and the Carrows, as well as several of the Malfoy and Black relations. 

Nearly all of them did a double-take when they saw Harry and Draco sat together, Draco’s arm around Harry in a way that Harry tried to tell himself wasn’t cozy and comfortable. 

“Hello,” Harry greeted as the guests arrived around the table. “I’m the half-blood your parents warned you about.”

“It’s true,” Theo said grimly. “First Draco starts dating him, and next thing I know, _I’m_ considering buying _Muggle_ literature.” 

“Harry has been a… _guest_ ,” Druella ground out, unable to think of a pleasant adjective to describe Harry with. “It will be a shame if he chooses to spend next Christmas with his own friends, which he really should in the interest of fairness.”

“Hmm, maybe I should invite the Weasleys _here_ next Christmas,” Harry suggested with an innocent grin. “They’d love it; I know you and Arthur must be dying to make amends, Lucius.”

Lucius’s eye twitched, the first sign of his composure breaking in a long while. “Weasleys? In my manor?”

“It’s more likely than you think,” Harry murmured under his breath. 

“I thought you were making great improvements in the world, Lucius,” Thaddeus’s voice boomed. “Surely having the Weasleys over to you next year will help you fit in with the blood-traitors, and you’d be doing them a great deal of charity; you’d have to make sure they don’t steal your silverware, though. I know you must be struggling for money yourself now.” 

“We get it, Thaddy,” Harry stated idly before Lucius could respond. “You and Lucius both gave a great deal of money to the Ministry, and you were the only one to get that cool, flashing anklet. It’s really unfair to rub it in his face that you’re the only one with swanky jewellery that literally nobody else here is wearing.”

Thaddeus scowled deeply, and Lucius snorted into his wine glass. 

“Are you… _simple_?” Mrs Bulstrode asked seriously. “You know what that band is for, don’t you?”

“No,” Harry gasped, shaking his head. “What is it?”

“It’s a Dark magic tracking monitor,” Mrs Zabini spoke up, eyes glittering dangerously as they raked over Thaddeus. “The Ministry won’t allow him to do more than the most basic of spells; he may as well be a Squib.”

“Wow,” Harry deadpanned, slapping his hand against his cheek. “I had no idea, Thaddy! I definitely wouldn’t have brought it up so many times if I’d known; that would just be cruel.”

“I see what you mean, Druella,” an elderly Malfoy aunt spoke up. “Mr Potter is certainly...here.”

“Unfortunately,” muttered Mr Parkinson.

“Like I said,” Harry stated, undeterred. “I’m the half-blood your parents warned you about.”


	15. Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really ought to be counting these house-elves ;)

In Harry’s opinion, all the events at the Malfoy manor had been worth it for the very fact that the food was delicious. Christmas dinner had put the one at Hogwarts to shame, and Harry had stuffed himself silly with all the wondrous treats. His stomach hurt from lunch, but he still couldn’t help but eye the steaming Christmas pudding tempting them all to dessert. 

At some point during the meal, Draco’s hand had found its way to Harry’s knee, and Harry had found himself relaxing into the touch. He’d even tapped Draco’s wrist twist and then pressed a kiss to Draco’s cheek after they’d all pulled the Christmas crackers which had exploded in a burst of fireworks, feeling overwhelmed by the celebration. Draco had blushed afterwards, his pale cheeks stained with pink.

It was too easy to forget who they were dining with, until the guests, waiting for their stomachs to settle before they tucked into pudding, decided to examine Harry for their entertainment. 

“So Harry,” a Malfoy aunt asked with strained politeness. “How did you and my nephew meet?”

“Well, we meet as kids technically,” Harry answered. “We were both trying on robes, and the very moment Draco opened his mouth I knew...he was a massive pillock.”

“And Harry was a little runt of a thing,” Draco added fondly. “I know it’s hard to imagine, but he was even smaller than he is now.”

“I’m an inch shorter than you!” Harry protested hotly, prompting Draco to give him a dazzling grin. 

“So small,” Draco repeated fondly. “But he and I met in a dancing club a few months ago. He was stripping and dancing round a pole when he tripped—it was your first time in high heels, wasn’t it darling?—and he landed in my arms.”

“I’ve got used to heels now,” Harry added seriously, while Draco gave him an amused look. “I’m so small you see, they really help me see over Draco and his inflated head.”

“Which inflated head are we talking about?” Blaise asked with a wicked grin, his mother smiling slyly behind her hand. 

“Oh, Blaise,” Draco hushed with a dramatic hand wave.

“I don’t understand, though,” one of the older gentlemen spoke up. “I thought that kind of… _dancing_ was the kind that female whores did.”

“You don’t have to say the word whore with such disgust,” Harry reprimanded. “I’m sure there’s several of you here who’ve bought their services before, so maybe try a little respect. But I dance like that because it’s _sexy_ ; I know you’ll well past the days of being sexy, if you ever had them at all, but-”

The man’s wife cleared her throat angrily. 

“You’re very impolite,” she said darkly. “The rest of us are kindly holding our tongues, while you-”

“Tell it as it is?” Harry prompted. “Gosh, I’m a bad one, aren’t I? I know I’ve been a bit abrupt, so I asked Kreacher to make a pavlova to apologise. Narcissa, would you ask one of your elves to cut it, please?”

“Narcissa!” Lucius cried warningly, but it was too late. 

Marny approached the pavlova at her mistress’s bidding, bursting into excited tears when her knife brought out a pair of lacy knickers. 

“Mistress has given Marny clothes,” Marny sobbed. “Marny be joining my brothers and sisters at Hogwarts!”

Narcissa buried her face in her hands.


	16. Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe how close to the end we're getting now. Just over a week to go, and still so much mayhem to be had :D

Harry was still a bit dazed by the time he made it back to his room. Draco had captured him under the Mistletoe, giving him a kiss which left Harry breathless. Which was why Harry wasn’t sure if he had heard correctly when Draco complimented him. 

“You’re brilliant, you know,” Draco said as they settled, just the two of them, in one of the many lounges in the wait between dinner and the evening Christmas party. “I said it before, but you really would have made a great Slytherin. Imagine what our influence would have done to you.”

“I think the entire world would hate me,” Harry said thoughtfully. “I’m so glad looks can’t kill, otherwise I think most of your family and friends would have killed me ten times over by now.”

“I know, it’s going so well!” Draco beamed. “They _despise_ you, and they either hate or pity me, and that’s exactly what I was going for. Mother and Father will hopefully realise they need to leave me out of these horrific family events now.”

“Er, I thought your dad was catching onto us,” Harry frowned. “He keeps making… _comments_.”

“Comments? Like what?”

“Well,” Harry hummed. “He asked about me pole dancing, and he keeps trying not to laugh every time I insult Nott.”

“He probably find it amusing that you’ve resorted to stripping as a job, and he hates Nott probably more than he hates you now,” Draco suggested dismissively. 

“Er, I don’t _actually_ strip for a living,” Harry pointed out, grinning.

Draco smirked. “I don’t know. After you got over your stumbling last night, you looked like you were meant to be wrapped around a pole.” He leaned towards Harry, his hand falling on Harry’s knee. “I’d love to see you work on _other_ kinds of poles.”

“If I didn’t know better, _Draco_ ,” Harry purred, heart hammering as he realised they were actually flirting— _mutually_ flirting. “I’d say you were coming onto me.”

“You never were very bright,” Draco teased. “But I’m most definitely-”

They both jumped apart when a loud crack echoed through the room, and Kreacher appeared before them, wheezing heavily.

“Master Harry!” Kreacher announced. “Mr Lucius wishes for Kreacher to see to your every whim while you and Mr Draco are together.”

“Er, my whim is for you to leave us alone,” Harry said, adding hastily, “sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, but-”

“Mr Lucius says Kreacher must absolutely stay with you until the party,” Kreacher argued.

“He’s not even your master!” Harry protested. “Seriously, Draco, your dad is trying to cock-block us now!”

Draco raised an amused brow. “Cock-block? What’s cock-block?”

“Kreacher can find the definition of cock-block for young masters,” Kreacher offered. “Kreacher will-”

“No!” Harry cried, fearing he’d never get an erection again if he had to hear any talk of sex coming from Kreacher’s mouth. “Kreacher, just...I don’t know, go back to Grimmauld Place and fetch us my pack of Uno card, will you?”

That would sort it out; no way Harry would be able to stay turned on by Draco when he got hit by a +4 card.


	17. Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've spent Saturday and Sunday on 12 hour shifts at work both days, so excuse the length of this chapter

The Christmas party was in full swing. 

Two of the Weird Sisters had been booked, joined by some not quite as talented but still decent musicians, and were playing a mixture of traditional and modern wizarding songs for the small crowd. Many of the elderly couples waltzed together no matter the kind of music that was playing, while the younger generation had a bit more variation to their movements. 

Harry had been persuaded by Draco to dance with him, and where Harry was surprisingly good around a pole, he was not so good at dancing when he didn’t have anything to hold onto. In the end Draco took the lead entirely, and sent Harry away after a couple of songs of him stumbling over. 

As Harry watched Draco dance with Blaise—and Harry wasn’t jealous, he wasn’t jealous at all—Lucius approached him with a devious smile, holding a slice of yule log on a plate. Harry gulped, and took a large swallow of wine; he had a feeling he might need it. 

“Enjoying yourself, Harry?” Lucius asked, leaning against the wall beside him. 

“Well enough,” Harry answered with a shrug. “I’m not much of a dancer when it comes to having both feet on the floor.”

“No, no,” Lucius agreed. “I must say, I was rather disappointed we never got to see you in your element. I suppose it would be too much to get a pole out for you to demonstrate in front of everyone, but perhaps a private performance later wouldn’t go amiss.”

Harry’s eyes widened. “Pr-private?” he stammered despite himself. 

“And maybe afterwards…” Lucius drawled, purposely leaving his sentence unfinished as he fixed Harry with a hungry gaze. “You know, Harry, I have a feeling that you would rather benefit from experiencing what an older gentleman can offer you, and I am _very_ discreet.”

“What?” Harry squeaked. “Are you-? Are you hitting on me?”

“Must I spell it out for you?” Lucius sighed. “Merlin, I may have to gag you, but yes, I am offering you sex. Good job you seem to like things kinky.”

“But Draco-” Harry tried to protest, words faltering when Lucius pressed a leather-gloved finger against his lips.

“Draco won’t mind,” Lucius said, giving Harry a smug smile. “Because I happen to know that the two of you have been faking your relationship this whole time.”


	18. Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Lucius too much :D

Harry could only stare at Lucius in wide-eyed horror, his mouth opening and closing several times as he tried to figure out what to say. 

He settled for slapping Lucius playfully on the chest, but that only served to further Harry’s terror as his hand met a warm, firm body, and it lingered far too long as he mind worked to catch up with his body. Lucius’s look of amusement intensified, and Harry hastily pulled his hand back as he felt his cheeks burning.

“Fake? Me and Draco? Dating?” Harry cried in a high-pitched voice.

“Yes, those were several of the words I used,” Lucius agreed. 

“But we’re not faking it,” Harry protested, his eyes desperately scanning the room to find Draco, hoping he’d come to save him. “Just because you’re mad he’s gay and I’m a half-blood.”

“I’m not mad he’s gay,” Lucius said firmly. “You, on the other hand, I could do without but-”

“You just invited me to bed!” Harry argued, offended all at once despite himself.

“Well in bed you won’t be doing much talking, and if you _do_ open your mouth, it’s usually to wrap your lips around something _large_.”

Harry’s cheeks now felt like they were on fire, and he wished he was offended once more rather than mortified.

“But,” Lucius continued. “I know you and Draco aren’t truly dating, because things aren’t quite natural between you. You too often look surprised at the things each other says, when a real couple would have known their own story. There’s a spark between you, yes, but I assure you that my son is too immature for you.”

“So what? Are you going to throw me out?” Harry asked dangerously, trying to puff himself up to look threatening, which was hard when Lucius was much taller than him, “That would look bad as a host.”

To Harry’s surprise, Lucius smiled. 

“I’m not throwing you out, Harry, quite the contrary,” Lucius beamed. “Your antics truly did irritate me at first, but I’ve rather enjoyed watching you infuriate Thaddeus and my in-laws. I do hate having to host all these dreadful people, and with you on the guest-list next year, several people may refuse to come. With any luck, I may be able to convince Narcissa that she and I should go away alone next year.”

“So you’re not going to say anything?” Harry said weakly. 

“Not at all, provided you continue to talk about your admiration for me in front of everyone,” Lucius stated. He grabbed a gingerbread man from a tray off a passing house-elf, and proceeded to slide the whole thing into his mouth, giving it a good suck before he pulled it back out to add, “and I wasn’t joking about having sex with you. If you’re interested, nobody would notice us sneaking off now.”

Harry didn’t think it was possible to blush so hard, Lucius’s apparent deep-throating ability somehow both a turn-on and a turn-off.

“Er, I’m good for now, thank you,” Harry said. 

“Pity,” Lucius murmured, biting the head off the gingerbread man.


	19. Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote ‘he’s definitely _on to_ us’, but spellcheck wanted it to say ‘he’s definitely _into_ us’. Gdocs ships Lucius/Harry, confirmed xD

“What?” Draco cried. “My father said… _what_?! He-I-you-oh, Merlin. He wanted to gag-? Fucking hell! What?” He reached over and grabbed a nutcracker off the side, clutching the figure tightly. “You see this? I might have to teach my father a thing or two about nut cracking.

Draco’s reaction to finding out his father had propositioned Harry didn’t make any sense, but also Harry understood it perfectly.

“Turns out your dad has a thing for younger men and a touch of BDSM,” Harry said, just a little bit amused but mostly sympathetic when Draco blanched. 

“No! Draco whined. “My parents are completely sexless, thank you very much. My conception was the only time.”

“Doesn’t seem that way to me,” Harry grumbled. “And he’s definitely on to us. He knows we’ve plotted this whole thing, but he’s okay with it so long as I continue to praise him and verbally destroy Thaddeus Nott and all the others. Turns out he’s just as devious as you.” 

“So,” Draco asked hopefully. “Was he hitting on you as punishment or something? Like a joke?”

Harry shook his head grimly. “It was as real as real gets.”

“Hmm,” Draco tutted. “Well let’s make him think he’s won. We’ll go along with his plan, and then right at the end of the event we’ll do something to really, truly horrify him. Don’t ask me what yet, I need to think on it to make sure it’s perfect, but I’m not going to let him win for hitting on what’s mine. I mean, er, you’re _my_ fake boyfriend, and even if it’s pretend I still have to take it seriously, you know.”

Harry smiled. “Being yours doesn’t sound like a bad thing.”

Draco cheeks flushed pink, and he quickly jumped to his feet.

“I got you something,” Draco murmured, fishing around in his bedside drawer. “A real Christmas present, because even though I think the dildo was a practical gift for you, I just wanted...and I’m rich enough, so…”

Harry rolled his eyes at Draco’s boasting, but his mouth fell open when Draco presented him with a beautiful, shining onyx box, opened to reveal a deep blue, velvet cushioning holding a delicate silver bracelet with a small opening, one side of it a snake’s head and the other its tail. There was an tiny emerald as the snake’s eye. 

“Draco, it’s...it’s beautiful, thank you,” Harry stammered. “But I...I didn’t get you anything.”

Guilt washed over him. At the start of the events he hadn’t even thought to get Draco a gift, and hadn’t been able to go out since to get him one. Draco hadn’t left the Manor either, so he must have bought it before Harry even arrived.

“Don’t worry,” Draco said with a gentle smile. “You’ve given me enough already.”


	20. Twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Five more chapters to go...I can't believe how quickly this month has gone.  
> And sorry for another short chapter. I've come down with a chest infection and have had very little sleep as a result >.<

Boxing Day morning brought a fresh sprinkling of snow, coating the vast grounds of Malfoy Manor with a blanket of white. Nothing could be as beautiful as Hogwarts in the snow, but the manor was a close second, in Harry’s opinion. 

Harry was in a rather cheerful mood until he went downstairs for breakfast, and was met with several disgruntled glares. Harry rolled his eyes affectionately, taking a seat next to Draco and absently kissing his cheek. Draco froze and flushed, and Harry felt his own cheeks burn as he realised what he’d done, but he grabbed a bagel with a casual air, as if the kiss had been entirely intentional. 

“Curious you chose a bagel,” one of the elderly aunts spoke up. “Is that often a gay breakfast choice?”

“What and what?” Harry blinked, confused. “I don’t...Are you suggesting there are certain foods that only queer people ate?”

“I’m just trying to understand your lifestyle,” the aunt murmured with a huff. “I’ve never been around your kind before.”

“Oh, you have,” Harry said, poking his finger through the hole in the bagel and giving the woman a sneaky grin. “They probably just didn’t tell you on account of all the casual homophobia in your society.”

“But what is the gay lifestyle like?” another aunt enquired curiously. “How do you choose which of you is the woman in the relationship?”

“Well in our case,” Harry said, gesturing to himself and Draco, “there is no woman in the relationship; that’s what makes it gay. I know this is going to sound really wild and crazy, and will probably blow your mind, but a gay relationship is exactly the same as a straight relationship, only with two people of the same gender. I know, mind-boggling, isn’t it?!”

Blaise gasped and clapped his hand to his cheek, turning to Pansy seriously.

“Pansy, if you and _I_ started dating, which of _us_ would be the woman?”

“Blaise, darling, of course _I_ would be,” Pansy retorted smoothly. “In accordance with the straight lifestyle.” 

“What _is_ straight culture like?” Harry asked. “Do you _not_ eat bagels?”

“Oh, Merlin,” Astoria gasped, a half-bitten bagel clutched in her hand. “Am I a lesbian now?”

Mr Greengrass choked on his cup of tea.


	21. Twenty One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the big finale of Draco and Harry's scheming...then it's all out Drarry :D

“So you gotta get a good grip with your hands—really firmly grasp the shaft—so then you can bend your legs with far more flexibility.”

Harry was making it up as he went along, deciding he couldn’t go wrong with making his instructions for pole dancing sound as dirty as possible. 

He’d told the group that he wanted to teach them some traditional Muggle dance numbers using a pole, and Pansy, Astoria, Daphne, and even Blaise, had readily got up to join in. Draco seemed happy just to watch Harry writhing around the pole, and Harry made sure to give him a good eyeful as he danced.

“This doesn’t really seem appropriate,” Mrs Parkinson muttered as Pansy swung herself round. “Are all Muggles really incorporating this into their homes?”

“Yes, they are.” Harry nodded seriously. “It used to be in strip clubs and back-alley bars, but pole dancing is really become a modern tradition. Oh, we need some traditional music, don’t we?”

Harry pressed play on the CD player that he’d sent Kreacher to fetch, blasting out the Spice Girls’ _Wannabe_.

“Look, Mamma, I’m dancing!” Blaise declared as he did a rather impressive drop. 

“Harry, dear,” Druella’s voice called out loudly over the music. “Would you be a doll and fetch me the photographs of you and Draco from his room? I wanted to show Belina how sweet you two look together.”

Harry narrowed his eyes suspiciously, knowing Druella could possibly be up to nothing but trouble. His gaze fell on Draco, who gave Harry a subtle nod to go along with her. 

He reluctantly pulled himself off the platform he’d created, having to admit to himself that he was rather enjoying pole dancing, and would perhaps have to take up a class with Ginny sometime, and made his way upstairs.

It was only after he went to open the door to leave Draco’s bedroom that he found himself trapped, the door refusing to budge for him.

“Yeah, you’re trapped in here for now,” Draco’s voice echoed through, making Harry jump.

He clutched a hand against his chest, feeling his heart racing beneath it, and looked wildly around the room until he saw Draco’s face peering out at him from a mirror. 

“Draco? What-?” Harry began.

“It’s a way to communicate in emergencies,” Draco explained. “Only a Malfoy can activate it, but all the mirrors in the manor are charmed for us to talk through. But yes, as I said, you’re stuck in here now. My grandparents put the scheme together; they’re going to let you out later tonight and pretend the locking spells on the doors malfunctioned.”

Harry huffed. “Well, I suppose we _have_ been tormenting them for the last three days.” 

“You’ll have more fun up here on your own, I assure you,” Draco said. “If you go to the bookshelf and pull out the third book from the left on the second highest shelf, you’ll be able to access my secret bathroom. Maybe you can take in the first present I got you—that should keep you busy for a while.”

Harry flushed. 

“Anyway, I have to go before they catch me,” Draco said quickly, before winking and adding, “try not to have too much fun without me.”

The secret bathroom turned out to be a beautiful marble room with a pristine bathtub in the centre, a black jewelled chandelier hanging over it. Candles on the edge of the tub lit up with flame as Harry approached, casting a golden glow on the small Christmas tree sat on one corner of the tub edge. 

Harry shrugged to himself. A good bath was always enjoyable.

He cast his gaze back to Draco’s room. The dildo _had_ been a gift, and it would be rude of Harry not to at least have a _little_ go with it...


	22. Twenty Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The longest chapter yet :D Next chapter though is pretty much gonna be smut :P

“So sorry, Harry,” Flavia murmured when Harry finally found the door to Draco’s bedroom unlocked, ad made his way back downstairs. “We had an issue with the locking charms all throughout the manor.”

“It’s perfectly alright,” Harry said. “It was an accident, a pure and simple, not-on-purpose, genuine, couldn’t-be-helped accident. It’s not like you would ever be so cruel as to lock me in a room to keep me away from you.”

He gave her an icy smile. 

Flavia and Durella exchanged an amused look. “I do hope you weren’t too bored up there on your own,” Druella added, hastily changing the subject.

“Oh no,” Harry murmured. “I kept myself plenty entertained.”

He took a seat beside Draco, all the chairs in the room organised into a massive circle which surrounded a floor where guests could dance and mingle amongst Christmas trees and baubles hanging from the high ceilings. A heart shaped one sat just above Draco and Harry’s heads, the red colour gleaming in the lights of the charmed bulbs. 

“I took your advice,” Harry said lowly, so only Draco could hear him. “ _All_ your advice.”

Draco swallowed heavily, his eyes widening as he looked at Harry.

“You mean you…? Fuck, that’s hot,” Draco said. “I mean, er...fuck, that’s hot.”

“Yeah?” Harry purred teasingly. “I got myself nice and relaxed...ready for anything else that comes at me. Or _anyone_.” 

“Potter...Harry,” Draco stated hungrily. “What are we doing? _Are_ we doing…?”

“Let’s do this one last event,” Harry said. “And then if you want me, I’m all yours.”

Draco’s hand dropped to Harry’s knee, and he squeezed it possessively. Harry could feel his heart racing as he waited for Draco’s answer.

“Tonight, then,” Draco breathed, a wicked smirk crossing his face. “I hope you know what you’re in for. But first, let’s destroy the night for my father.”

“And his guests?” Harry added with a sly grin.

“Them too, I guess.” Draco shrugged. “Granger’s replied to me, so we’re all ready to go.”

Draco had filled Harry in on his plan to get revenge on his father, and Harry had thought it was brilliant. Lucius wouldn’t have any clue what was coming.

“Can I get everyone’s attention?” Harry called out, waving his wand to cut out the music that was playing. “I have an announcement to make.”

An obvious groan went around the room. 

“I know that most of you here are very different to myself,” Harry went on. “And it means so much to me that you so graciously welcomed me into your world.” He sighed dramatically, wiping away a pretend tear. “I do hope my beliefs haven’t clashed with yours too much or made you uncomfortable in any way; I’m learning now that you’re just bigots and that’s okay because because hateful and disrespectful is just who you are. But anyway, I just wanted to give a big shout out to our main man, Lucius.”

Lucius gave him a sly, smug grin, and Harry couldn’t wait to wipe it off his face. Thaddeus, on the other hand, looked ready to smash something—most likely Lucius himself.

“Lucius is a wonderfully brilliant man, so handsome and clever,” Harry declared. “He and Narcissa have such a beautiful marriage that they’re even okay with Lucius hitting on men young enough to be their son—and I really am flattered by your offer, Lucius, even if I didn’t go for it.”

Lucius’s face paled all at once.

Harry grinned at him, waving the six remaining house-elves into the centre of the room. 

“The elves have prepared you a song,” Harry smiled. “But before they perform for you, I would just like to give you some amazing news, Lucius. You’ve been such an inspiration for redeemed Death Eaters, so I have been in touch with my good Muggle-born friend Hermione Granger, who’s setting up a Muggle-born integration programme so Muggle-borns and purebloods can interact and learn from each other, and we have decided to put you, _Lucius_ , as the lead pureblood! Which means Muggle-borns will come to your home twice a year for a whole weekend of fun and games and learning each other’s cultures! It will be so fun! No need to accept the offer; I’ve already told Hermione you’re well up for it. Of course, the rest of you are welcome to join in the fun too. Now, balloons to celebrate?”

Draco set the balloons falling from the ceiling, bursting around the elves and throwing the clothes packed inside the balloons all over them. 

“Oh, gosh darn it,” Harry said in monotone, smirking as Narcissa clutched her hand to her chest and collapsed into her chair. Abraxas threw up his hands and skulked into the corner of his portrait, refusing to turn round, while Thaddeus was hunched over in a laughing fit. 

Nearly ever face had a look of dismay, but none more so than Lucius himself, who was staring at Harry helplessly. 

A firm hand touched his shoulder, and Harry turned to see Draco looking at him with hungry eyes. 

“I can’t wait any longer,” Draco hissed. “You. Me. Upstairs now.”


	23. Twenty Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT. SMUT. SMUT.
> 
> Rating has changed to explicit by the way :P

“Hey, Draco!” Blaise said loudly, appearing in front of them with a golden Christmas Cracker in his hand. “Do you want to pull- er, are you two…?”

“I am pulling, Blaise,” Draco answered smugly. “But it’s not that Cracker. Now, if you excuse us.”

Draco led a blushing Harry past a smirking Blaise and out into the entrance hall, tugging him up the staircase and down the vast hallways until eventually—who decided to make a Manor so fucking big?—they made it to Draco’s bedroom. 

Draco ushered Harry inside, closing the door behind them and pinning Harry against it. Draco was only an inch or two taller than Harry, but this close, with Draco oozing confidence and lust, Harry felt so much smaller and he loved it. His cock was already hard, and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so turned on.

“I can’t believe you,” Draco uttered lowly. “Who knew you being so devious and wicked could be so sexy?”

“It’s your mistake if you ever thought I was a good boy,” Harry murmured, fluttering his lashes. “I can actually be _very_ bad.”

“Mmm?” Draco purred. “Like playing with a dildo while you’re all on your lonesome? Fuck, I bet you’re so nice and stretched that I could slide right into you and fill you up. Did you get all of it in you?”

“Fuck no,” Harry hissed. “That thing was huge! And besides, as good as toys are, I much prefer the real thing. Were you lying about being hung, or am I in for a treat?”

Draco waggled his eyebrows. “Why don’t you have a feel and see for yourself?”

Harry eagerly pushed his hand beneath the waistband of Draco’s trousers, sliding his fingers past the soft fabric of Draco’s briefs to grasp his cock. And God, Draco hadn’t been lying! Harry couldn’t even get his thumb to meet his fingers as he wrapped his hand around the thick length!

He licked his lips hungrily. 

“I’m still slick and lubed,” Harry said in a low voice. “I want you to ram your fat cock right into me; foreplay can wait for next time, but I don’t want to wait any longer for you to fuck me.”

Draco smirked. “Should have known you’d be a bossy bottom. Lucky for you, I’m an obliging top.”

With a murmured spell, Draco shed their clothes, leaving their now-naked bodies pressed closely up against each other. Draco’s skin was warm and soft, and Harry let out a sigh of contentment as one of Draco’s large hands grasped Harry’s hip to guide his leg up around Draco’s waist.

“You sure you don’t want just a couple of fingers or-?”

“Draco,” Harry cut in. “Just shut up and do me.”

Draco wasted no more time, thrusting up and burying himself deep in Harry. Despite Harry’s earlier—and thorough—stretching, Draco’s cock was big enough to cause a slight but pleasant burn around his rim. 

Harry wrapped his arms around Draco’s neck and hitched his other leg up around Draco’s waist, bracing himself against the door as Draco began to pound furiously into him. Harry was letting out a constant stream of moans, his body alight with pleasure as Draco fucked him with such urgency. 

He came embarrassingly fast, crying out Draco’s name as he clenched around Draco’s cock. He slumped bonelessly against Draco, clinging onto him and burying his head in his neck, breathing in the salty scent of his skin until Draco finally came inside him. 

“Wow,” Draco murmured breathlessly. “Just...wow.”

“Wow,” Harry agreed.


	24. Twenty Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wrapping things up now :)

“So, it’s a shame to see you go, Harry,” Narcissa said, her voice strained. “Lucius filled me in on all the details about you and Draco faking your relationship, and how Lucius was playing along by pretending to come onto you.”

“Yes, that was definitely pretend,” Harry deadpanned, giving Lucius a narrow glare. 

“This is farewell, I suppose,” Lucius beamed, ignoring Harry’s stare. “I look forward to not seeing you again.”

“Don’t be silly, Lucius,” Harry said with a sly smirk. “I’ll be checking in on you and Hermione _all_ the time in your new job role.”

“I’m not-” Lucius began to protest, hissing, but Narcissa stalled him with a hand on his arm.

“You _will_ take the job,” she said sternly. “Salazar knows we need to improve our self-image to get back into good steed with the general public, and if you need to pretend to be nice to Muggle-borns for that to happen, then that’s what you’re going to do.”

“Not quite the spirit we’re looking for, but close enough,” Harry smiled, giving Narcissa a thumbs up. "Besides, Lucius, I think we'll have a lot of fun together next Christmas. I've already got great plans for you to dress up as Father Christmas!"

“And you’ll be pleased to know, Father,” Draco added, hooking an arm around Harry’s shoulder and leaning in to kiss his cheek. “Harry and I have decided to properly get together, so you’ll be seeing a lot more of him around the home as well.”

Lucius and Narcissa blinked, staring at Draco with wide-eyed horror. 

“I know you’re out of house-elves now,” Harry said. “So maybe I could join you when you try and hire some more? Oh, we could do monthly outings as a family! Doesn’t that sound fun?”

“No,” Lucius groaned weakly. “No more house-elves. You...Draco...Merlin, I must have done something wrong in a past life.”

“Er, you did something wrong in your current life,” Harry pointed out, glancing down at Lucius’s arm where the Dark Mark was hidden by his sleeve. “But don’t worry; I’ll help you get on the straight and narrow.” 

“Narrow, yes,” Draco grinned. “Straight, not so much.” 

Harry laughed.


	25. Twenty Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end! Hope you enjoyed the ride :)

"So,” Draco said, nudging Harry’s shoulder and giving him a hungry leer. “If I remember correctly, while we were shagging you mentioned us having foreplay the _next_ time, which I can only assume means you’re up for a second round?”

 

“Second round...tenth round; I’m up for as many rounds as you want us to have,” Harry answered with a grin. “And don’t get me wrong, the sex was incredibly amazing and I think you literally blew my mind, but I’d also like to maybe do a proper romantic date with you sometime, too, if you’re up for it.”

 

“Please, Harry,” Draco scoffed. “I’m a Malfoy—we _excel_ at romance. I'm going to give you a good night you'll never forget. What do you say? I’ll take you to Paris, we’ll eat at one of the finest restaurants, and then we’ll have dessert back in our expensive hotel suite, _if_ you know what I mean.”

 

“You _are_ going all out,” Harry commented. “I quite like that; Draco Malfoy, the bloke who torments his elderly relatives actually has a heart of gold beneath it all.”

 

“A heart of gold and abs of steel, as you can now attest to,” Draco agreed, giving Harry a wink. “So is that a yes to Paris?”

 

Harry smiled. “It’s a yes.”


End file.
